Loving is to be special again

Telling someone we love them is much more than expressing what we feel; it is to make clear to the others that we are determined to do all the things to make her/him happy. Although love is defined as a feeling, such emotion should be translated into gestures and attitudes. It applies also to the love between siblings, parents, children, colleagues ... and loving does not differ – on its intensity – when it is lived between a man and woman, who are decided to overcome the challenges of a shared life as couples.

The more we live together, the greater is our knowledge about those with whom we live. Thus, despite our saying many times that we love them, we are subject also to expressing other kinds of feelings such as anger, fear, dissatisfaction, even if it lasts for just a few moments. As fever may indicate infection in the body, a possible dissatisfaction in the relationship can be an indication of a situation that deserves our special attention

Because, nobody complains about the lack of something without having experienced its benefits before, we know how good it is to have someone's attention and his affection toward us. Therefore, often in our daily living or once taken aside by duties to others, we set aside simple things, which could have  great importance for the maintenance of the marriage for instance. Attitudes that were common at the time of dating or at beginning of married life, as walking holding hands, changes of affectionate kisses and other amenities common between passionate couples, unfortunately, may become rare by one spouse over the years.

At noticing the fading of affection and amenities, formerly present in the lives of couples, one can find that the marital relationship is doomed to the same routine of others – most of which cannot be serve us as a good model. However, we can not allow those problems and dissatisfaction, once denounced, separate us from our beloved. The indifference to the complaints of our spouse tends to extinguish from conjugal life those attitudes or gestures which stopped between couples and is subject of complaints now. It is better to denounce earlier what is disagreeable.

So, revigorated through the disposition of turning back to be special to each other, we should avoid the walls of shallowness and individualism to arise on the field of feelings, where walls can never exist.

Regards

Dado Moura

(*) translated from original in Portuguese - Amar é, voltar a ser especial

A so-called porn addiction

Currently, the porn industry is a  huge industry , not only in The USA but also in Brazil and it is growing every year. To increase the access to this kind of product and make it less offensive, the media changed its nomenclature. Today, what was synonymous of vulgarity became a “adult products”.

Gone is the time in which porn was distributed through poorly printed magazines and sold secretly on newsstands. This industry changed into different segments and has grown more and more socially accepted. Some companies do not hesitate to include and offer – openly- to their customers those products or services reserved for adults only. One finds it in rental videos, Cable TV stations, games among countless other venues.

Greater access and social acceptance – as something normal - many people have become avid consumers of pornographic products. Through various ways they let themselves little by little, become more and more caught by the consumption of products with obscene contents, which can lead them into an addiction.

As any other kind of addiction, this practice of consuming is going to force those to watch more and more “spicy” images. These scenes, increasingly bizarre, will not be so offensive anymore,  even if the protagonists were children or teens who barely understand  why people are using them and what they are doing.

Pornography perverts the deepest expression of love between a man and women. It makes couples accustomed to porn consumption, change their preferences and warp their  libido obscuring the simplicity of sexual intimacy between a man and a woman; which will go against their nature

For those who feel hypnotized by the most bizarre images, it is a sign that what was only a curiosity has led them into a dependency, that certainly will affect their relationships. And it is common for them to demonstrate lewd attitudes through conversations, looks, thoughts and unfortunately in their gesture of affection which will not often not be pure any more.

It can be most embarrassing for someone to admit his/her  addiction, and to seek for help.

The person, who is caught in the consumption of these products, will need to break with such dependence. And as any other treatment, she/he must eliminate from her/his habits any kind of erotic contents, getting rid of magazines, movies, blocking adults TV channels or hindering the access to Internet through passwords or any other protective devices.This is to reverse the harm caused by pornographic fantasies, bringing back the joy of balanced and healthy living between man and woman, without emptying the greatness of intimacy reserved for couples.

cheers

Dado Moura

(*)translated from original: Um vício chamado pornografia

When our dating come to an end

The novelty of the first moments of dating brings to life a different color, a stimulus that neither distance, nor even the worst of weather conditions could turn the lovers from postponing a meeting with each other. The most romantic couples are bursting alive on their mobile phones continuously sending passionate messages. They call each other just to say "I miss you," sending flowers and other things that fill their passionate hearts.

After some time, and without reason, the romanticism between them, which was expected to last forever, will slowly lose commitment and strength. The lack of interest that happens now is justified by "weak excuses", among other things which were not part of the relationship originally. It seems that such relationship has been fed by only one of them.

Unfortunately, the evidence points to ways that perhaps the most passionate of them does not want to read the signs...maybe due to a long time of their acquaintance or perhaps he/she still believes that everything could change and that old passion between them will revive.

Working towards common goals is the basis of all heathly relationships. This co-operation lies in the predisposition of changing our self concept in order to promote the happiness for whom we love. So why should anyone insist on dating if first there is not the same mutual focus and committment to maintain the relationship?

I believe that no relationship could be maintained for a long time by one of the couples. The end of a relationship rarely happens through an easy accord between couples. Then the one who still feels passionate, as if he was taken by blindness, may try to rekindle the relationship even though he or she is now only partially matched to what is desired. Everything will be a difficult situation to "digest", which will only hurt the self-esteem of the one who feels abandoned.

Once the relationship is broken, it will be necessary for the two to take time to recover their emotions and to be able to analyze everything experienced during the relationship. Through our personal relationships, we have learned to understand and assimilate situations which we could not even imagine to be able to endure alone. Therefore, once faced, these situations make us more and more secure.

Though this process may be painful, it will be useful and it will serve as parameter for evaluation on the qualities and interests desired for the future of other relationships, as well it will teach us to ponder our own behavior and expectations of living a life for both.

Even if you are stunned from hurt feelings at the disruption, the resumption of your activities of entertainment and living with friends will always be important. Otherwise, closing up and living in fear of the world will take you to the darkness levels of discouragement.


Dado Moura

This article was transated from original Quando o namoro chega ao fim